E has not been himself. He is scaring me. He is whining and having tantrums...so NOT him. He is flipping out over the smallest details. I noticed the change about 5 months ago. I thought it was a growth spurt.

I know what it is. There is a new addition to our lives. We were alone, just us, for over 5 years and now, as of 5 months ago, I'm dating. It's thrilling and fun! I really didn't expect it of me! There is someone new who is bringing reality back to me. I have no idea where he gets the energy to deal with me...

And he deals with Ethan. He uses a stern voice with him sometimes, but I think E needs it. I coddle too much, it's my survivor's guilt.

I really am trying, to pick up my place in this world again. But, God, I'm so scared. PKN said that my grief is well rehearsed. True. I have a comfy place in Hell.

However, when it comes to this little boy, I swear, I'll change everything...