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Deni's Journal


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Saltines, Lettuce, and Hot Tea
posted October 23, 2009 at 09:21

As a kid (12ish)I had a horrible eating disorder. Wow, that is so young. Anorexia Nervosa, they called it. In the early 80's, they had NO idea what to do with it or how to treat it. My sisters caught on to something was wrong. They noticed I didn't eat and I cried in my sleep. I would actually become angry if anyone offered me food. Angry.

Now, I call it my first addiction. I loved the feel of it. I loved the rumble inside me, my body begging for food. I denied it daily, I was in control. (So I thought)

I didn't even notice me diminshing. I noticed my jeans were falling down, I noticed my t-shirt was too big, I even noticed I didn't want to hang out with my friends anymore. But, the kicker was, even on the last notch, I could slip my watch all the way up and down my arm...

If I made a fist, my knuckles would bleed, if I smiled, my lips would bleed, if I injured myself, it wouldn't heal. My hair started to fall out. My period went away. My skin got scaly.

I saw the fear in my sisters' eyes. And I would become irate and scream, "I'm fine! Leave me alone!!" I would slam doors and hide and cry...

They saved me, though.

I have scoliosis, so at the time I had to see an orthopedic surgeon every few weeks to track my progress. (I was 10 when that was diagnosed.)

They told him they thought there was a problem. My memory of it is (all 3 of my sisters have a different one) there was a nurse, an intern, a physical therapist, me, my sisters and my doctor in the room.

He asked me to take off my brace. I remember hearing my sisters shriek in terror.

I was hospitalized immediately.

 
April 12, 2012
  Nothing To Hide
January 27, 2011
  fading...
October 14, 2010
  So, anyway...
August 30, 2010
  For a Minute There
June 26, 2010
  The Cold Spot
June 08, 2010
  I Forgot

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