The Cold Spot|
posted June 26, 2010 at 11:45
I feel I handled the 9th wedding anniversary pretty well. Anyday sans self pity and self desruction is a good day in my world.
I am blessed to have love, beauty, compassion, tough love, reason, reality and the now and then "get your shit together!", being THROWN at me.
I really do love the folks who love me. I know I don't show it. I'd been long in the ground without my "K Team". (Kathy, Kim and Kelly)
It's difficult to show or admit or feel love when the sweetest boy was ripped away, not only from me, but from M and E. Sorry, but I have alot of fear and anger when it comes to trust and love. It's a sorta, who gets taken from me next...?
Six years is too long to grieve, I know. Many of those who love me are sick of me, Christ, I'm sick of me... But, I also know, they love me and I love them.
Balance is what I'm searching for, it's always been elusive...
Love, as much as it scares me, it's all around me. Anger, as much as I don't mean it, is what I have to let go of. Patrick said that I mistake love and support for interference...(Um, yeah, you all need to stop, "'interferon' with my good time" (RR and The Simpsons joke!)
Ya know, when you are next to someone and your bodies are somewhere touching, maybe anywhere...then that person's body and warmth repositions...and where they were left a cold spot?
That's what his death did to my life...