I'm in the process of reading "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold S. Kushner. Mary left it on my doorstep a few weeks ago. The author's son died of progeria just after his 14th birthday. Being a rabbi, he immediately questioned why such a thing could happen to his family. After all, he tried more so than others to live a good life and to please God. He wondered how God could let this happen. I'm not finished with the book, yet. However, it is helping me not to blame God or myself for what Rich had to go through. One paragraph that stood out to me is as follows:

"Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people. A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile gone out of control. That is why good people get sick and hurt as much as anyone...God does not reach down to interrupt the workings of laws of nature to protect the righteous from harm. This is a second area of our world which causes bad things to happen to good people, and God does not cause it and cannot stop it."

I'm not sure what the second area of our world is that causes bad things to happen. It must be discussed in a later chapter. I'll let you know when I figure that out.

Another thing I got out of the book so far is that maybe I didn't get the miracle I prayed for, but God will send people to help get me through the pain. This is definitely true. Friends and family have been of great support. I went to the book store the other night searching for a children's book to help explain to Madison where daddy has gone. I was kneeling down and a young woman came over to ask if I needed help. When I told her what I was looking for I couldn't help but to cry. She knelt down and hugged me and through teary eyes told me how sorry she was. I was touched by how completely sincere and compassionate she was. I never would have expected such a reaction from a stranger. I once mentioned a waiter that made me cry because he asked Madi where daddy was. Of course this was completely innocent, but again I couldn't help but to cry, The next time I saw him he gave me a piece of paper with his name, the names and ages of his 3 siblings (13-17 yrs), and his family's phone number. He said to call any of them if I ever need anything - a babysitter or someone to run to the store. Amazing...

Also, occasionally I receive an email from someone who didn't even know Rich. Tonight someone sent a message to tell me he met Rich once at an Affordable Floors show and Rich was nice and genuine to him. These messages I'll put into a scrap book I plan on creating for Madi and Ethan. I love hearing of sweet and wonderful things Rich has done. I appreciate all the messages that come. In fact, I look forward to them.
I'd like to share another quote from the book:

"Pain is the price we pay for being alive. When we understand that, our question will change from, ‘why do we have to feel pain?' to ‘what do we do with our pain so that it becomes meaningful and not just pointless empty suffering?' We may not ever understand why we suffer or be able to control the forces that cause our suffering, but we can have a lot to say about what the suffering does to us, and what sort of people we become because of it. Pain makes some people bitter and envious. It makes others sensitive and compassionate. It is the result, not the cause, of pain that makes some experiences of pain meaningful and others empty and destructive."

I don't want to be bitter or envious. I want to follow Rich's example of authentic personality and pure kindness.